A Post. For NO Reason

Cupcakes don't have wings for a reason, idiot.

Oh SHUT UP, TYLER.

The Quest for Moonshrooms

My friends and I smoked some spice. It's similar to weed, but it's legal and it doesn't relax your muscles. It makes you think way too hard. I started to daydream after smoking and it brought me to a magical land called the Grox Fox. The dictator of Grox Fox was named Toxicle. He was shaped like a large icicle, much like a cone head, but just the head. He was a walking triangle with boots.  Toxicle had a miraculously large mustache, no other facial features. A triangle with a mustache and boots. The residents of Grox Fox were prunes. HUGE prunes, they were monstrous. They had eyes but that's it, they'd slide around on their bellies like wrinkly purple snails. Grox Fox was the only place on earth with a stairway to the moon. Toxicle told me that I could live in Grox Fox for free and eat for free for the rest of my life as long as I could bring him back a Moonshroom. A moonshroom is a very rare fungi that resides below the surface of the moon. After 15 long weeks of sprinting stairs that were terribly hard to climb because of the hundreds and hundreds of fat cats rolling down, I finally made it to the moon. Once I was there I realized that I forgot my shovel so I turned to head back down but the stairs were gone. A sign stood where the stairs were and it read "use your hands." So I did, I started shoveling moon rock up into the air until I was 3 feet down. I finally found one, a moonshroom, it was the most perfect mushroom I had ever seen. I gathered the moonshroom and the stairs reappeared. I moonwalked all the way down on the backs of hundreds of fat cats backwards. Toxicle was at the bottom of these stairs, he saw the moonshroom and gasped. He gasped a very triangle-like gasp. He told me to eat it right away, I asked him why, he said there was no time, so I did. I ate the moonshroom. It was the most orgasmic feeling, it made me so happy. I could feel my little man downstairs shoot towards the skies. Toxicle started to smell of peanuts, it was a very very strong smell of peanuts. The entire world started to smell of peanuts. I started to turn pruney, it was very strange. My hands started to turn purple. I was turning into one of those massive prunes. Not too long afterward I realized that Toxicle was nothing more than a santa claus candle, the moonshroom was a marshmallow. I found myself under my couch talking to a candle in my right hand, a bag of marshmallows in my left, I looked down to see my penis in a jar of peanut butter.

Down Time

I'd be blown away if anyone reads this. I don't know, I feel like nobody reads blogs anymore...? Is that not true? I guess it's easier to write things down than it is to make a video, edit the video, make it appealing so other people will like the video, and then upload the video...only to get 792364 dislikes. BLAH. Nah, life is good. I'm sitting in my room and it's not nearly late enough for me to do anything. 11am..TOO EARLY. I need a life. DESPERATELY. I'm afraid that if I get a real job then I won't have time for videos anymore, and the only thing I really like doing is making videos and acting insane. Sometimes I do both at the same time. Alright. BYE

Oh my goodness

This footage is taking aboslutely 3982349275 years to upload. I might go try and find a unicorn in the meantime...Maybe I'll go to the local playground. Nah, that's creepy. Maybe I'll make a grilled cheese. I'm lactose intolerant HAHAHA nice one, Tyler. IDIOT. GO TO BED! But it's 3:05? IDC GO ANYWAY, shut up other me you're very annoying. When people start reading these they're going to think I'm going bonkers. Well, you kind of are. SHUT UP.

OKAY.

How Girls Shut Guys Up

By farting. By flashing them. By slapping them. By looking incredibly sexy. By dying in front of them.

YOUTUBERS! You Do NOT Need Money to Make GOOD CONTENT!

My name is Tyler, 
I'm here to tell you all something very important...are you ready? If you don't have money..you can still make good content!

I'm sick of people going off about how you need to get a studio/expensive camcorder/external mic/lighting/backdrops. I mean, if you have money by all means..GET THAT STUFF NOW 

but me?

I don't have money. But I still make decent videos (I think.) You can judge them for yourself if you'd like. Honestly though, I've uploaded a total of 100 videos on 4 different channels and I've never used a camcorder. You're sitting there thinking "DAFUK?" Yeah. Weird, I know. 

I'm willing to bet that there are many people out there just like me successfully fooling the world into thinking that they have equipment to make quality videos when they don't.

I've used nothing but my iPhone and other lighting sources that I don't need to pay for...like the SUN. Or bathroom lights (that are practically the same as video lighting...just, they're in your bathroom... XD ugh lol.) 

I've made an hour long BioShock movie that currently has 130k views using nothing but my iPhone to film, iMovie as an editor, and trailer cutters. You don't need a lot of money. That's all I'm trying to say. Thanks for reading 
It's amazing what an iPhone can do...

I'm still saving up for a professional camera because HOT DAMN they're expensive.
-Tyler

CLICK HERE TO VISIT MY CHANNEL

How to Become Successful on YouTube

Hey guys,

I'm Tyler.

Every YouTuber starts their channel with a vision, whether that be somebody else's channel that they idolize or just the need to create something that other people can like and admire. It's a great feeling when other people like the things that you create. And I think that this is the main driving force behind most YouTubers when they start out. When you get that first comment, that first like, you think, "wow, I could really do this. This will be something that will make me very happy!"

HERE IS HOW YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITH YOUR CHANNEL INDEFINITELY.

There are 3 things you MUST never forget when you're a YouTuber. 3 things that most YouTubers tend to forget- which can eventually lead to you quitting YouTube and ultimately resulting in A LOT of wasted time.

#1 - PATIENCE & PERSISTENCE

- Definitely the most important virtues that any YouTuber can have.

The more patience you have directly corresponds with how many subs/likes/favorites you will get.

You need to be patient!

Patient while editing videos, patient while waiting for people to sub to your channel, and more importantly PATIENT WHEN PEOPLE DISLIKE YOUR CONTENT! Most YouTubers give up when they hit a bump in the road. Here's a reality check for you - EVERYONE DOES. Even Jenna Marbles gets sad sometimes. Pick your ass up off the carpet and get vacuuming! Your content must be entertaining to say the least. The one thing that I KNOW FOR SURE is if you have quality content and you mix some patience and a lot of persistence together in your black witchy cauldron you will be pleasantly surprised when you wake up one morning and HOT DAMN! SUBS EVERYWHERE! (not sandwiches..but that wouldn't be too bad either.)

#2 - THE "NEVER-COMPARE" RULE

This is VERY IMPORTANT. It's okay to have a handful of YouTubers that you admire, but if you compare yourself to those successful YouTubers and aspire to be just like them, you will never be just like them. It won't happen. Sorry for bursting your bubble but you AREN'T THEM! Try to be creative and post videos that aren't shi**y replicas of other famous videos. Original content is a must. The only person that you should compare yourself to is THE YOU THAT YOU WERE LAST WEEK! Always progress. You're more likely to get your ass to the moon than you are to make yourself into a carbon copy of another human being. Keep that in mind  

OH. And make friends! Friends can be SO beneficial to your channel and your overall happiness. Collaborative videos will help you out SO MUCH. And be friendly  Nobody likes a self-righteous dick head.

#3 - DON'T HIDE. YELL FROM THE ROOFTOPS! 

A mistake that I made when I first started my YouTube channel was giving into my timidness. I didn't let my parents know that I was making videos, I didn't let my friends know, I hid it from Facebook. In other words, I was my own worst enemy. You want to work for what you want! Don't let fear of rejection (rejection is a part of life GET USED TO IT) or the fear of being scorned by your parents stop you from achieving your goals on YouTube. You want to SCREAM FROM THE ROOFTOPS! Let EVERYONE know about your channel. EVERYONE. Yes, even that weird girl at the McDonalds drive thru. The more people that know about your channel the better  Let the word of mouth work for you. MOST people are decent and will like what you're doing I promise ;-) 

One last thing. Since you're here you probably already know this, but try to use multiple outlets to promote your channel. YouTube is your main hub, but it isn't your only source! Use forums, twitter, tumblr, facebook, myspace (yes, even myspace.) post your stuff on reddit, stickers on telephone poles might get you a sub or two as well  Just don't spam. No one likes spam. They like friendly invites.

I hope that helped. 

I know I'm not perfect, so who am I to preach, right? These are just a few things that I've observed about myself and my own flaws that I'm trying to work through. Thanks for reading. You guys rule 

-Tyler

CLICK HERE TO VISIT MY CHANNEL

How to Look Confident and BADASS

1. Keep your shoulders down, like someone is behind you pulling them down.

2. Longer strides, as if you're trying to reach. This doesn't mean you should walk faster.

3. Head up and back. Straight spine and avoid looking at the ground.

4. Hidden smile. It's smaller than a smile, but not a poker face.

5. Keep your body loose and brows up, look interested in everything

Want more advice, comedy, and more? Visit my YouTube channel by clicking here

How to Text Girls Properly (part 3)

3 - be honest, confident, positive, and most importantly, concise

Most guys want to impress girls with lies. This is the worst thing you can do if you're looking for something other than a one night stand. Lies always bite you in the ass, be honest, even if she asks you a question that you're scared to answer, suck it up and answer it honestly, trust me, she'll appreciate your honesty and she'll be more likely to be honest with you. Confidence is a given. DO NOT put her on a pedestal, this will only keep her out of your reach for good. You need to BELIEVE that she is lucky to talk to you. If you believe it then she is more likely to believe it. Focus on positive subjects, if you talk about the holocaust then she will think of you as the kid who talks about dying jews. You need to create positive connotations. If she brings up a negative topic then respond and move on. MOST importanly, you need to be concise. Short and sweet, don't beat around the bush. You want to go on a date with this girl, the longer you wait to ask the more likely it will be that she'll set up a "fake date." Those are the worst. She'll say something like "YEAH! that'll be really fun, let's do it!" And it will never happen. You need to take control. Take the male gender role and be a fucking man. Set up a date and make it happen.

Want more advice, comedy, and more? Click here to go to my YouTube channel

How to Text Girls Properly (part 2)

2 - focus on her and use her name

Using her name is a good way to have her focus on you, really it works. If you say "hey, what's up?" and "hey, Jessica. How have you been?" They have a different feel. You're way more likely to respond to the message with your name in it. You want to THINK before sending a text, so many guys just go with the flow, and most guys have a sucky flow. You need to think of something witty to say and keep the focus on her at all times. Girls love talking about themselves, ask them questions, and if you send her a "dud" which is a text that doesn't get a response, only send ONE backup message, --and make it good, any more than that makes you come off as desperate. Girls love when you laugh at the things they say, but don't overdue it. They will notice if you laugh at EVERYTHING and they'll call you out as a fake.

Find more advice, comedy, and more on my YouTube channel by clicking here

How to Text Girls Properly (part 1)

If you met the girl in person first, and you didn't initiate anything yet, here's what you do.

Wait a couple hours then text her something short and sweet. 

"It was nice meeting you today :)"

DON'T TRY SETTING UP ANYTHING YET.

Don't be afraid to let the texting end for a while. 

You'll wait 2 days then text her again, at this point you can joke around and build attraction.

Wait 2-3 more days then arrange a date.

This will send her the message that you're a busy guy that doesn't have time for girls that aren't serious about you. 

If you constantly text her she'll get the impression that whatever she does you'll always be there waiting. You need to send her the underlying message that you won't wait around. This will move things along quicker and shut out the possibility of the friend zone.

If you haven't met this person face to face yet, here's what you should do --

1 - follow her texting patterns.

This means if she sends you something short and sweet, you send something short and sweet. If she sends something longer, you may also send something longer. If she doesn't text you back, YOU WAIT. You wait and you wait. Anxiety works against you I promise.

If she doesn't text you back in a day or two, you will send her something creative. Avoid "What's up?" and "hey, what are you up to?" Those are the texts that she's getting from every other guy. You want to pop out of the crowd by sending something like "Hey, _____. I haven't heard from you in a while. It's obvious that you've been abducted by aliens. Text me back when they release you ;)" or something along those lines. Just be creative and I assure you that she'll text you back. If she doesn't then you're either in the friend zone or you've ruined it by saying something wrong earlier.

Find more advice, comedy, and more on my YouTube channel by clicking here

HOW TO AVOID THE FRIEND ZONE

1. Fill the gap. When you first meet someone there's a crack in between the two of you. You "fill" this gap by touching them. First comfort zones like the shoulders, arms, upper back. After you're both comfortable, then you can move for attraction zones, like the hands, hair, face, thighs.

2. The 2 second rule. It usually takes the body 2-3 seconds to over think something. Act before you do.

3. Move from jokes and building relations to attraction. You MUST take that step or it'll never happen.

4. Man up and go for it.

3 Secret Weapons When Texting Girls

1 - question for question game. It's perfect. 

Don't ask creepy or personal questions until she does.

2 - use emoticons, smileys, and memes often. 

SMS Faces, and Emoji apps are your best friends. They offer warmth and comfort.

They offer facial expressions when the other guys she's texting don't use them

Gives you a leg up on them.

3 - mimetic the app. 

Take a picture of yourself and make a meme of yourself asking them out. Trust me it works.

MAKE IT FUNNY. HUMOR ALWAYS WORKS. ALWAYS.

Don't overdue it.

3 SECRET WEAPONS WHEN TEXTING GIRLS - The Video

Mistakes Guys Make When Texting Girls

Texting is much different than talking in person. In person you can rely on things like eye contact, vocal tones, and body language to attract women. When you text the only things you have are words…or so you think. 

MISTAKES GUYS MAKE WHEN TEXTING GIRLS - The Video

Most guys make the same 3 mistakes

1 - accidentally shooting for the friend zone

You try and make a connection with this girl when all you're doing is making her like your personality. Time is not on your side. The longer you wait to initiate something the worse of a chance you have to actually get something rollin.

2 - The "out of my league" mentality. 9/10 guys think this way when they talk to a beautiful girl. If you think that she's better than you then it's going to seep out of your words. You're more likely to ramble and she's more likely to lose interest in you.

You need to pretend that you're the only guy talking to this girl, and that SHE is lucky to be talking to YOU.

3 - Confidence over arrogance. Confidence is a good thing, but bragging and telling her about all of your achievements will make her think one of two things, or both. 1 - she's not up to par with you, making her feel inadequate and unappealing to you, this is a no no. This will make her stop talking to you or cling to you as a role model, you don't want either, trust me.

2 - that you're an asshole that thinks way too highly of yourself.